Day One (of hopefully many)

Had an epiphany half way through the day, possibly more to do with the fact that I have very little work to do for the afternoon. Spend about an hour and a half creating a personalised colour coded fitness plan. It is almost a guarantee that I will never look at it again, but in a leap of faith, I print off 2 copies from my work computer.

I have a healthy mid-morning snack of quite a sad apple. I manage approximately half before I completely give up and leave it to rot. I also drink a hell of a lot of sugar free orange squash, which is objectively probably not very good for you.

Lunch ends up being a Morrison’s meal deal (a bargain at £2.50!) of 3 jumbo sausages and cross cut potatoes. I can mentally justify eating chips because they’re called potatoes (healthy!). I also have a diet coke. After my meal, I feel incredibly full and go the whole afternoon without snacking (excluding the mini mints that my office always has on reception).

In the evening I head to the gym, for my first proper solo workout in approximately 95 years. I do a quick cardio warm up that completely wipes me out in the first 5 minutes, but burns around 60 calories. I then do an intense leg circuit workout, doing lunges, squats and deadlifts. At one point I attempt a kettlebell swing, but immediately regret it as I nearly throw a 16kg weight through the gym mirror. I finish off my workout with a quick (very quick) ab blast and some stretching. It’s not a bad workout, albeit one I spent feeling like a beached Orca in my black and white outfit. Also, where did my abs go! I am certain that at one point I had actual muscle, rather than a generous layer of fat. The orca resemblance goes on.

I pop into a friends before heading home, where my mother has decided to take matters into her own hands, and serves the most miserable bowl of overcooked, left over pasta. She then hides the garlic bread. In the interest of honesty, I must admit that I found the garlic bread and demolished it. I finish off my day with a small handful of m&ms and some diet lemonade.